A few hours later he walked back in while i was reaching in the refrigerator for some milk. I turned around to greet him and he said, “Merry Christmas,” while putting a still-in-the-box laptop on the counter. I thanked and thanked him while he shrugged it off in his usual style. As he handed it to me, he said with rolling eyes, “Now you can write all that Christian propaganda for Youth for Christ or whatever it is you work for.” I received it with a smile.

I had been praying for weeks for a laptop because i was feeling strongly that i needed to write.

My laptop was stolen just before my wedding and our cat broke Katrina’s soon after we came home from our honeymoon.

While working at Higher Grounds one day, a not so regular customer walked up to me and asked how life was and what i had been up to. I told him, “Oh, you know, working and car shopping.” Squinting his eyes he asked, “Do you need a car?”

“Yes, we need a car.”

“Do you really need a car?”

“Yes, we do. Katrina and i work on opposite sides of the Metro.”

“Okay, well, I have a friend who just gave us a van this morning and asked us to look for someone to give it to.”

Two weeks later we were at their house getting prayed for, prophesied to, and a set of keys and a title were put in my hands.

The Lord has truly shown himself as our Provider. There was a moment when we were feeling anxious and curious about our next steps. We knew we could barely afford a car, and we needed two. With the need of transportation the idea of getting a new laptop was entirely out of the question.

Katrina and i said short prayers and did the only thing we knew to do at that point. We gave away money. It’s easy for me to talk about giving money away, but when the moment comes and life is asking, “Where is your God?” that is the true test of faith. My wife and i locked fingers and jumped into the dark. We landed safely with feet planted.

God has been good to us and we’ve only been married nine months. I have a suspicion that God will continue to lead us this way through out life. It’s scary because there is always the opportunity to give way to anxiety. But it’s also exciting because answered prayer never gets old. The euphoria, no matter how small, of knowing that God is watching and knows specifically what we need never gets dull.

I love the Lord, because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy.
Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live.
What shall I render to the Lord for all his benefits to me?
I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord.
~Psalm 116:1,2, 12  

“If revival coming to your city depended on your prayers, how hard would you pray?”

Now, i know that revival, like salvation, is a sovereign movement by God to visit his people. But, like salvation, there is a small but crucial point where our “yes” means everything. An individual can deny salvation. A people can deny revival.

God, the great Pursuer, loves to be pursued. He loves being loved. He loves being needed. So he restrains himself to see who will seek him.

If revival coming to your city depended on your prayers, how hard would you pray?

How can he be so kind?

Everyone has their story. Mine isn’t filled with homeless nights, drug induced convulsions, alcoholic explosions, or blasphemous arguments. I don’t see it as the kind you use at missionary outreaches to show that God “can even save me.”

But my story is important to someone, namely, me. My story does entail two-faced living. I was teaching the scripture and looking at pornography, leading worship and carrying a bloated pride, prophetic and condescending. I was a modern day Pharisee critiquing everyone else’s life while living my own behind closed doors and closed heart.

It was in that condition that Jesus saved me. It is for that salvation that i am grateful. I don’t know that any sin blinds like the religion of the hypocrite, deafens like the life of a Pharisee.

But he forgave me.
He forgave me.
After making others feel stupid and second-class, after refusing to walk inside the door of grace and keeping others out, he forgave me. He saw my defiled soul and eyes and he cleaned them. Literally. I have no idea how he took those images away, but he did. I will always be grateful for that.

Having a name that i was alive, and being dead, he raised me from death and gave me real life.

Those who are forgiven much, love much. Though my life seems little to many, it’s engulfing to me. He has forgiven me so much. He forgave me of the entirety of my life. I don’t have much to give, but i know that he takes little and makes it into much. He raises us from the ashes and seats us with princes. He takes dust and turns it into gold. He took my dead existence and raised me to glorious life.

I love the Lord, because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy.
Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live…
Gracious is the Lord, and righteous;
Our God is merciful.
The Lord preserves the simple;
When I was brought low, he saved me.
What shall I render to the Lord for all his benefits to me?
I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord…
Psalm 116 

How can he be so kind?

I often start in chapter 5:10-16. This chapter tells of the Bride looking for her Beloved in the darkness of night. She experiences nothing pleasant in that time. It is, for her, truly a dark night for her soul. In the midst of it, being questioned why her Beloved is worth the suffering, sorrow, and travail, she erupts with adoration for her Savior.

These are gleanings of what i have found in the descriptions of Jesus. They were the balm upon the Bride’s soul; they have been so on mine as well. I hope that they prove helpful to someone who is thirsty for more of Jesus and longing to see his beauty.

Read Song of Songs 5:10-16 first, then you can borrow my notes in your prayer time. It is imperative that you take this to prayer, otherwise they’re more words to bog your spirit down.

Radiant ~ He is dazzling, shining, and full of the light and glory of God.

Ruddy ~ Ruddy means red or tan. Speaks of his humanity. He is earthy; he is near to you. He is involved in your story.

Head of gold ~ Gold speaks of his deity. He is a beautiful God. He is the most beautiful being. It speaks of his preeminence and leadership in all things.

Wavy, black hair ~ This tells of his covenant with you and devotion to you. His hair is black and wavy because he is devoted to you with youthful, passionate, vigorous love and zeal.

Eyes like doves ~ Doves are known for having only one mate their entire lives. This speaks of his single-hearted devotion to you. His eyes are on you. They don’t turn from you. He gazes at you with deep affection.
Beside streams ~ His love is thirst quenching water for your heart.
Bathed in milk ~  His eyes are pure. There is no lust, greed, covetousness or deceit in them. They are true and see you truly.
Beside a full pool ~ His eyes are full of tears. He has a deep heart and deep emotions. He weeps with you and over you in your sorrow and pain. He is moved to tears of joy because you love him. He rejoices deeply with you in your happiness.

Cheeks as a bed of spices ~ He has many emotions. He feels. He is not dry, lifeless, distant. He feels what you feel and feels for you.

Lips are lilies ~ The Kiss (revelation; see 1:2) of his word and love to you is pleasing, gentle and precious.
Dripping with myrrh ~ This is his invitation to take up your cross and fellowship with him in suffering. His love makes even death, whether to the world or ultimately, sweet because he has made it a door to fellowship.

Arms are rods of gold ~ He has all the omnipotence of his Father. All he does is done in the strength of God. He is God.
Set with jewels ~ These are the individual deeds done on your behalf, the small and the big miracles. Each one is a treasure given to you.

His body is polished ivory ~ He is all pure and holy, even in his human body. There is no flaw or inconsistency in his character at all.
Bedecked with sapphires ~ Sapphires are deep red gems. All he does for you is marked by his fiery love for you.

Legs are alabaster columns set on rods of gold ~ He is the Temple. All the fullness of God is pleased to dwell in him. He is fully human (alabaster) and fully God (gold). All that he did while on earth was done from the foundation of his deity.

His appearance is like Lebanon ~ He is strong like the cedars from Lebanon. Any vision of him or experience of his love, even internal, stabilizes your heart.

His mouth is most sweet ~ Whatever he speaks to you is sweet. Whether words of destiny, command, prophecy, words of love, rebuke, or discipline. You love to hear him speak because you love him and you want to be brought into his heart.

This is your Beloved Jesus, this is your friend. (5:16)

I’m not sure if there’s a deeper purpose in the question other than finding out who a person’s heroes are. The next thing to find out is what questions you’d ask; this is because what you’d ask reveals more about you than it does about them.

Every week the person i’d like to meet changes. This week, i want to meet John the Apostle.
Here are the questions i would ask him:

What was your first impression of Jesus when you saw him walking along the sea?

What was it about him that persuaded you to leave your life behind, especially your father?

Did you see or sense something in him that you didn’t see in your father?

What was your father like? Your family?

Why did you pay so much attention to the hidden details others seemed to forget?

Why did those details stick out to you?

Jesus seems to be very near and attentive to those i know who have gone through abuse. He also seemed the same way with you. What was broken inside you that needed his touch?

How did he touch and heal your heart?

What did he tell you when no one else was around?

What did he say when he prayed for you?

What did his voice sound like? Was it deep, soft, booming, smooth, mesmerizing, shaky, impassioned?

What color were his eyes?

What did you feel when he looked you in the eye and spoke?

Did his eyes change colors with his mood?

How tall was he?

What were his hugs like?

How did he walk? Did he sway, bounce, glide?

What did his hands look like? How did they feel?

Did you ever eaves drop on his lonely prayers on the hilltops?

What kind of things did he tell his Father?

How did he worship?

How did he pray for Peter?

How did he pray for Judas?

What kind of encounter did you have that revealed Jesus as Word?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now it’s your turn. Who would you like to meet and what are three questions you’d ask them?

Because Jesus is worth it.
Because Jesus is worth it all.
Because if Jesus is a Bridegroom then he is worthy of our uncompromising devotion and love.
Because if Jesus is a  judge then he is deserving of a life lived in justice.
Because if Jesus is a King he is worthy of our unreserved obedience.

Because one day we will stand at the Judgment Seat and want to say we gave him our all; not because he forced us, but because we loved him.
Because we want to leap toward him at his appearing rather than shrink back in pain.
Because one day Jesus is going to open up the Book of Remembrance and tell us how we moved his heart.
Because when his fiery eyes fill with tears and he shouts to the universe how he loves us, every “sacrifice” will have been worth it.

Because what would a man give for love?
If he sold all he had it would be a small price to pay for the chance to demonstrate love for him.
Because the cross is where he went to fellowship with us and the cross is where we will go to be with him.

Because every generation has its Nazarites,
and America has yet to see hers.

I’m 26 years old.

Since i can remember i’ve heard from pulpits everywhere that God would send revival to America in my generation. Now i’m married and the possibility of having children is right around the corner. All my siblings and many of my friends have children of their own.

What does this mean?
The next generation is already 5-10 years old.
My generation still has yet to see the hoped for revival.

I’m grateful for the many refreshings, awakenings, renewals, and outpourings we’ve experienced since Brownsville while i was in junior high but i have never seen anything so culture affecting as the Azuza Street Revival or the two Great Awakenings or the many revival that happened between the Second Great Awakening and Azuza.

While reading about “Praying Hyde” i was again gripped with the reality that though true revival is a soveriegn gift of God he does not send it if his people are not asking.

Many at this point will say, “But we have been asking!” Amen, we have. But there is a type of asking that is born from the deep of one’s heart. There is a type of asking that comes from the place of hunger and says, “Lord, if you don’t send another revival, I’ll die (Sergio Scataglini; Argentina).” There is a type of asking that refuses food and rest and playtime in order to ceaselessly bombard the Throne of God seeking a touch of heaven for one’s own heart and on society, for a holy, powerful church and the salvation of the lost.

Here is the paragraph the struck me:

The [Prayer Union] saw one method of attaining this spiritual awakening, even by prayer. They set themselves deliberately, definitely and desperately to use the means (by prayer) till they secured the result. The Sialkot revival was not an accident nor an unsought breeze from Heaven. Charles G. Finney says: “A revival is no more a miracle than a crop of wheat.” In any community, revival can be secured from Heaven when heroic souls enter the conflict determined to win or die–or if need be, to win and die–”The kingdom of Heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force (Matt. 11:12).
Praying Hyde; Edited by Captain E.G. Carre

Revival will only come if we ask our good Father for it (Luke 11:13). “As long as we are content to live without revival, we will. (Leanord Ravenhill)” The most disturbing thing i see in my generation, in my own soul, is contenment to live without revival.

This is not okay.
This
is
not
right.

We talk about justice and ask God to end abortion, ridicule those who don’t help the poor, protest those who demand we pay our debts, raise money to dig wells in villages in Africa, but we are content to live unsanctified lives that are void of the power and presence of God. We are content to live without the testimony and stigma of Jesus Christ. We’d rather have our music, food, and entertainment than the “weighty” presence of the Lord, the Holy Spirit.

This, my friends, is the great injustice of our generation.

Something must change. It must change in our appetites. It must change in our hearts. And if it is going to change in society it must be our change first.

THE CHALLENGE

Here is the invitation that i am extending to all who are even slightly thirsty for heaven to touch earth, for God to touch us.

I’m inviting everyone to take thirty minutes everyday between the hours of 6pm and 8pm to pray for revival starting tomorrow, November 1 through December 31. (I’m starting a Facebook page for this. I’m not sure how those work but find it and join in. It’s called “The Watch”)

It isn’t glorious. It isn’t often exciting. But it is a cry of desperation. If we truly believe that our nation is at a crossroads, that the judment of God is looming over our national head, that the souls of millions are hanging “by a thread over” the pit of hell (Jonathan Edwards) then we must do something about it. All of history’s revivalists were agreed that the most important and necessary thing to obtain revival is prayer.

It’s only half an hour.

So let me ask you, are you content to live without revival? Are you satisfied to live without the unction and power and baptism of the Holy Spirit? Are you so satiated with your movies, songs, and games that there is no room for the presence of God in your life?

Or are you hungry?
Are you thirsty?
Are you troubled at the injustice of compromise in your generation?
Are you grieved by the murder of millions of unborn babies?
Do you long for God to transform your heart into a holy thing?
Do you long for God to transform your church into a sactuary and refuge for the sick, dying, broken, lost, and sinner?

Or do you desire to be one who hungers?

Join me, starting tomorrow at 6pm, and pray for half an hour that God would cleanse this nation by the blood of Jesus and send another society shaking revival to the United States of America.

Let me start by saying that i think the whole thing is rediculous. I know you’re supposed to wait until after you’ve presented your argument to make your conclusion. Forgive my Roman reasoning.

I’ve been following the “movement” since it first began on Wall Street on September 15. I’ve heard people say that this is anything from stupidity to the seed bed of a new revolution in America. I myself have been wondering where this could lead.

As far as i can tell there’s no real organization other than facebook  and their website. There’s for sure no leadership, according to the website. Along with this lack of leadership and organization i’ve noticed that there are no delineated goals other than some vague ideals. I’ll add here that without leadership, this thing could quickly and easily turn violent.

The 99% (the people) are angry at the 1% (the rich elite) for their many injustices against humanity and specifically the bankers’ oppression against the people of the United States and the world. This sounds good, but it’s a very ambiguous statement.

And what are these injustices? It depends on who you ask. For some it’s the exploitation of children in third world countries. For others it’s the loss of jobs in the U.S.A. For others it’s the fact that banks have ravaged the economy by giving loans that they knew the people couldn’t pay back . For another it’s that the Federal Government bailed those banks out. For others it’s the wars that are being fought oversees. The list goes on and on and on.

Adbusters released a poster advertising the beginning of the Occupation. It had the date, time, and place on the bottom with a picture of a ballerina atop the bull on Wall Street. Above that were the words in red, “What is our one demand?” Ironically, no answer is given.

I’ll pause here to say that i am fully aware that the banking systems, politics/politicians, and giant corporations are corrupt. I do believe something should be done. I absolutely believe that most of the “wars” we engage in around the world, particularly in the Middle East, are unjust and motivated by money and oil rather then the spread of democracy. The banks knew what they were doing when they gave poor people loans then encouraged them to get higher loans. I’m not against protest. I’ve been itching to be a part of a march. I just want it to mean something.

The whole system is corrupt.
It needs to be changed.
Amen.

I am amazed at the hypocrisy that is rife within the movement. I made a comment on my facebook that those who were “occupying” should remember their disdain for capitalism while they buy things from Urban Outfitter, or a latte, or put on their Van’s. I was told that it would be useless to stop buying from “them,” the 1%, because that won’t change anything.

Incredulous! Throughout history people have boycotted companies in order to raise their voice, like the women during the English Abolition Movement. They quit using sugar in their tea, not because it would hurt their companies, but becuase it would give them a voice. It got louder until slavery was abolished in the British Empire. It’s interesting to note that if you Google “Occupy Wall Street” you’ll notice on the right hand column t-shirts for sale. Someone is making money on the Occupy Movement.

One person said that “sacrifices” would have to be made for change in response to the statement that some New York schools would have to shut down because of the money that Occupy is taking from the city. It seems that our children must make the sacrifice for our freedom, not our freedom for thiers. Is this the nobility my generation exhibits?

 We can be angry at the 1% and still buy thier products because it’s convenient.

Van’s aren’t worn for practicality, they’re worn for look. Clothes from Urban (or most anywhere we youngsters shop) definitely aren’t worn for quality but for appearance. We can rail against the CEO of these companies while we give them our money. Fascinating.

What about American ingenuity? What about the free-market we really do have? What about the 99% starting their own food, clothing, shoe, computer, whatever companies locally and buying locally? That would be far too difficult. Sacrifices must be made but not those kind. We’d rather the 1% simply stop doing what they’re doing.

Shut down the machine. This would lead to complete economic meltdown, which is already happening.

Are the Occupiers willing to make that kind of sacrifice? You wouldn’t be able to buy from the corporate monsters in order to start your new business because they’d be angry with you. Your town would have to start at the bottom and really struggle for years. But that could push the 1% into submission. Or would you rather stand in front of banks and wait for the 1% to make the change.

What if you were the one that changed?

I know it’s more complicated than that and it’s impossible to restart society in a day. But it is a real answer to the problem. As long as we keep giving them money, they’ll keep exploiting.

Did anyone stop to consider that the American citizen is in the top 10% richest category in the world? This includes the poor Americans, not just the 1%.

There’s one thing that truly puts me on edge. The Occupiers continually compare themselves to the people in Egypt at Tahir Square.

Get real. Aside from the fact that you’re protesting in a public place nothing is the same. We’re not ruled by a military dictator in a closed market society where free-speech is a dream instead of  reality. Our situation is nowhere near being the same.

My prediction is that in the next 5-10 years we truly might find ourselves in that situation if government continues to get bigger. Then we’ll have a reason to cry. Martial Law is right around the corner for this nation.

I know, we’re oppressed by the loan giving, (truthfully) big-bully banks. But has anyone stopped to consider that the banks don’t force anyone to get a loan? No one is holding people at gunpoint in the bank offices threating people’s lives if they don’t get a loan, or a higher one. The person getting the loan is just as aware as the bank that he is not able to pay.

Our society is run on debt. Most people can’t get the houses they want without help. How about living in a small house until you can save money for a bigger house? Or building? Or going without the ipods, ipads, computers, new cars, etc. for a while in order to save for a better house with things that are necessary?

Sacrifice? Yeah, but not that kind.

Now for my tangent:

I’m curious at how many of the Occupiers are “pro-choice.” Kill my baby if i want to because it’s my right but don’t take my job because that would leave me without food. That might kill me. Defend the helpless children out there somewhere but cut my baby into pieces and vacuum her out of the womb. Or poison her brain, just make sure the bank doesn’t come after me on the loan i obtained from them that I knew i couldn’t pay. Don’t kill innocent Iraqis, just kill the innocent boy inside the womb.

Sacrifices must be made, right?

I long for God.
At this moment i’m listening to the worship service from Saturday night after listening to it multiple times for the last three days. I’m listening  because the songs give words to the groaning of my heart.

“Love of God, overflow!
Permeate all my soul!”
“Fill me up God. Fill me up God. Fill me up God!”

Those who know me well know that i am an avid reader. I always have a book in hand or in mind. I generally cannot wait for my half hour break at work or free time at home so that i can open up my book and dive straight in. I generally know what the next two or three books i want to read. Needless to say, i really enjoy reading. I enjoy reading because i enjoy learning. I think that i could sit in class rooms for hours as well. By nature, i am a student.

Strangely, i’ve recently encountered a new emotion while reading. Frustration.
Frustration at all the words i was hearing in my mind. It came to a point where i didn’t want conversation with anyone. All i had was words.
Words, words, words.
They were beginning to hold little meaning to me.

After pondering this for a few days i think i know why.  I have replaced meditation, encounter with the living Christ, with knowledge. I learn more and more and in the learning i have drifted from the Bridegroom. I allowed growth in knowledge to replace the ecstasy of love in Jesus. The words i was reading were lifeless because i had become lifeless. Reading had replaced prayer. Knowledge replaced encounter. Learning replaced revelation.

I realized quickly that when i tried to pray i had nothing to say. I could not hear anything. I could not “connect” to the Holy Spirit. All i could feel was the dullness of my boring heart.

Something has to be done.

I’m trying something new. I’m laying aside the books, except the Bible, for an extended period of time and i am asking God to speak to me, to meet me, to encounter me. What i need, what i want, most of all is to know the love of God and to love him back. Instead of spending my free time listening to people from the past who knew him, i am going to listen to him. Hopefully, i’ll come out of this knowing Jesus a little better than i have before.

Even at the thought of NOT reading and sitting before the Lord my heart has been leaping. I know that the Father himself loves me. The dream of my heart is to be able to sit in peace before him and hear him because he is the only one who has the words of life.

Can there be a more valuable treasure?

St. Thomas Aquinas, considered the greatest theologian and writer in Christian history, has inspired me to search for Jesus with all my soul. Being the reader and (aspiring) writer i am, his story weighs heavy for me.

Near the end of his life while approaching the end of his greatest work, the Summa Theologica, he had a vision where Jesus said to him, “You have written well of me Thomas. What do you desire?”
Thomas replied, “None other than Thyself, Lord.” He was taken up into some kind of trance and experienced something so great of the love of Jesus that he never wrote or spoke of the details to anyone. When his secretary pleaded with him to finish the Summa Thomas cried, “I can do no more after what I have seen… Such secrets have been revealed to me that all I have written seems like straw!”

This seems like a good goal.

i’m coming back